If it isn't the intense anger in this place, it's the fear - but usually a mix of both to the destruction of the whole world. There is no possibility of faithfulness here (at the moment). The dark is just too dark. The darkness is so deep that it absorbs every ray of light.
These people claim they are faithful and that God is with them, but their faithlessness is plain to me, and God treats them like overgrown weeds in a lawn: mowed over, plucked up, or poisoned - all leading to death.
But one thing I know for sure is that darkness belongs to God just as much as light, and God will be glorified in darkness and through darkness, and in light and through light - to the salvation of all flesh, of all generations.
To add to the truthfulness of this, I remember heaven clearly saying to me, "You can show them", accompanied by an extremely bright light of a spacecraft.
As one of those psalmists said: "You have encircled me. If I say, 'Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, and the light around me will be night,' even darkness is not dark to You, and the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You." ~ Psalm 139
By faith, I've come to the conclusion that I will just be honest with people. Earlier this month, I said to heaven, "The Garden of God is not worrying about what you'll think, or what you'll do, or what you'll say." Angels agreed by becoming luminous and bright in response.
I've been spending time with myself, understanding (as much as I have) why I am the way I am - why I feel what I feel when I feel it - why I do what I do when I do it - it continually leads me to lean further on God's faithfulness.
I'm not blind and I know that people find my behavior strange at times - I see it in their faces and in their reactions. At this point I'm partly used to it.
But truth-telling comes with woes in this world, even when said in love (as I prefer to not do a lot of "talking at" anyone, but rather conversing with).
I am not a bullshitter, and I don't have deep opinions of many things. So I am easily confused by a lot of words and concepts that mean many different things to people. We will not be debating.
I prefer to speak and think plainly and ask straightforward questions, so I have sometimes watched (in my own amazement) people become humbled and quiet when I've spoken to them (in conversation). I have also watched people never speak to me again, and avoid even looking my way.
Everything is important, everything is a big deal. There is truth in everything, in all of your experiences. Do not hide from it.
What I have come to understand is that if I do not view you as my equal, then there can never be complete honesty. If I am beneath you, then I cannot be completely honest with you. If I am above you, then I cannot be completely honest with you or myself.
Many parents and leaders in this world have made themselves authoritarian figures - and there are other ways to lead.
I'm set on no longer getting tense and tight-lipped when people ask me questions that would make one uncomfortable in my shoes. My rest is God's faithfulness.
My hope is to see the Garden of God sprout up in this generation, right under my feet. This Garden is my community, my community of faithful lovers, my community of loving care and upbuilding, my community of those who pursue justice at every turn.
