Tweets - June 26th - Jacqui

@RevJacquiLewis

I will admit, I had to do a double-take when I saw your face pop up beside Jesse Peterson's face. I don't normally see his videos pop up in my Youtube feed, but I suppose since I've seen a few of his videos in the past, and I've seen some of yours, it showed up.

My reaction: "What in the world?! She must not be acquainted with his interviews." I imagine that a bit of deception via omission was involved in getting you on his show.

It's one of those lessons learned situations, I'm sure. But the part of the interview that struck me, and the reason I even cared to post this, was the end of the interview. You said to Jesse that you weren't comfortable and you wanted to end the interview.

Jesse does not love others as he loves himself - this was all the more clear and evident to me when you said you weren't comfortable and you wanted to stop, and he completely disregarded your request (treating you in a way he would never want to be treated himself).

As you know "fierce love" begins with loving yourself. My advice (unsolicited, I know), when someone tells you through their actions that they don't truly care about you (in whatever way), then leave. Unless you have an obligation to stay, just roll out.

If you stay, you're likely going to get hurt and feel the need to fight (argue, debate, defend). No part of the conversation from then on will be anything other than a battle.

Since you didn't leave, Jesse (caring nothing about your discomfort) was able to charm and sweet-talk you ("if you're still uncomfortable, let me know"), drag on the conversation, ask you another question, and then mock your answer ("Obama causing the insurrection" -- he knew what you were talking about -- and lied to you and the audience by acting like he didn't know you were talking about Trump).

By staying and feeling the urge to defend yourself (I could see it on your face), you began making excuses on timing and how the interview was supposed to end at 4, and this being the reason you now wanted to leave (especially when he began picking at you saying you're "running away"). I thought your excuses were going to give him even more ammo because (it appeared to me) you became deceptive yourself, and I thought he was going to catch on and use it against you. (If you truly had been enjoying the conversation with a polite and pleasant person, would you still have needed to end at 4?)

I'm also aware of that internal conflict of caring about how you treat others (such as not hanging up on someone) and caring about how they're treating you.

But Jesse cannot treat you in ways he would want to be treated himself; his portion in life (total despair), and his theology and the interpretation of your scriptures teach him that he does not have to. What more is there to say at that point?

I would suggest you don't go back on his show - at least not to talk about the work you do.

He may mock you for it and try to incite you by calling you a lying pastor (since you said you wanted to reschedule), but this is the lesson and consequence of dealing with him after he told you plainly - through deed - that he doesn't give a shit about you.

Tweets - June 19th - Fighting

So I have since understood that I never ever need to fight because of fear or trepidation or anxiety, or for good or to be impactful; and in fact, I am being shown another way altogether: the plain simple upbuilding unopinionated truth, and emphasis.

I watched about an hour and a half of the Poor People's Assembly that took place yesterday in DC on YouTube, and some of it was beautiful and informative and some of the people's stories caused me to grieve.

What makes me a poor activist is that I hate fighting, always have. I'm not even talking about physical blows, I'm talking about arguing, quarreling, and sometimes competing - as an adult, it makes me tremble and shake, as a child it terrified me to sadness.

I remember when I was a kid, I was in Ocean City, Maryland with my family and their friends and their kids, and we were bowling at a bowling alley. My family and their friends and kids were having a ball, but I felt a deep sadness and I went to the bathroom and I cried and cried.

I did not like the competitive and demanding aspects of the game. I've been to a thousand bowling alleys since (I sometimes enjoy being around people that are having a good time), but I don't think I've bowled since that day in Ocean City.

So one thing I explained to heaven years ago is that I never want to be a fighter. If they wanted a fighter, they had the wrong person. But turns out, they didn't want a fighter at all, they wanted someone who absolutely hated fighting.

So I have since understood that I never ever need to fight because of fear or trepidation or anxiety, or for good or to be impactful; and in fact, I am being shown another way altogether: the plain simple upbuilding/destructive unopinionated truth, and emphasis.

Tweets - June 17th - Emphasis

Spacecrafts have been flying overhead every night I have been outside recently. (I suppose if you ever wanted to see them, now would be a good time to come sit with me, as I don't know how long this will last.)

Taking this personal deep dive has been forcing me to really pay attention to what people are saying and doing, and it is forcing me to consider their motivations (in ways I previously hadn't). A new thing is happening.

Tonight, several spacecrafts flew - some were brighter than others. A dim spacecraft flew, and I mentioned to heaven that the message from a spacecraft that is dim is just as important as the message that comes from the spacecrafts that are bright - but I remember the message longer when the spacecraft is bright with emphasis. A spacecraft became exceedingly bright in my peripheral, causing me to turn my head to look at it (it was the only one that appeared in that manner or became that bright).

You see, the message with emphasis also grabbed my attention.

I am considering myself, and where I will walk, and what doors may be opening for me to walk through. To some, when I speak, truth will stand alongside joyful hope, to others, truth will be weighty and painfully destructive - in either case, from what I've gathered tonight, I will provide emphasis as I see fit and heaven will provide emphasis as they see fit (there's nothing quite like an emphatic message from above - you are forever changed).

Tweets - June 3rd - Titties

There was a consistent message from heaven tonight, "You cannot be driven by both faith and terror."

I am a child terrorized. I was always so terrified of tomorrow. My terror from peers was never physical, it was always emotional - and I had no one to help, no community, not a single soul who would save me from my perpetual despair.

I didn't keep my tears to myself, but both my parents were terrorized as children with physically violent terror. What is emotional terror when compared to physical brutality? Suck it up, toughen up - punch a n*gga in the face if you have to.

When I was 9 years old, I sprouted my first gray hairs on my head; by the time I graduated high school, my head was sprinkled all over with gray hair.

When I was in middle school, I developed stomach pains.  What a relief!! Hospital visits kept me far away from school and away from my cruel peers.

Drinking weird tasting liquids for x-rays of my stomach and small intestines? I'll take it! Scary enema at 12 years old that turned my poop white for a few days? Sign me up!! Anything to keep me away from those people. Scared the hell out of my mother in the process.

The doctor prescribed me some pills to help with the stomach pains; found out out years later by my mother that they were placebo pills - just sugar. He knew what was up, I wonder if he recommended therapy (not that I received any).

The awful part about being a terrorized child is that they sometimes get in bed with terrorists, even as adults - just so that they stop being terrorized by those terrorists.

Now, I never became a full-on terrorist myself, I'm way too much of a weak sissy to do that, but it didn't stop me from befriending them, inviting them over, and making light of their cruel behavior.

I was called "fat", "gay", and "ugly" on repeat. Nothing worse than being a little fat boy at the pool, you find out that you have titties.

Didn't know I made little girls jealous. Was it a complement when she said my tits were bigger than hers? Was it gay when he said, "I would squeeze them, but you not a girl"?

I still feel that old terror when I take my shirt off in public. I'm considering doing it more often, I hear it may help psychologically.

I have been Kelvin in a box all this time, a box that I did not create - and not Kelvin free, though I have been set free. So the consistent message tonight was, "walk by faith, not by terror". I can do that, even though I'm sure some days it's gonna suck something terrible.

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Update, June 20, 2022:

I absolutely created this box. I created the box and the shame (whose dependent and opposite is pompousness and boasting).

No, I did not create the untreated wounds from the emotional violence; but the walls, and the defense, and the shame which forced my body to produce gray hair so young and then dermatitis - that was me (not that I had any idea how to appropriately handle these things, and be gentle and kind to myself).

So much of our cultures and our traditions are formed and sculpted by shame. There is no healing and certainly no liberty without justice; shame is injustice.

Brent Tweets - May 31st

Sunday Evening. 11:35 PM (an extended low level flyover, same GPS coordinates-it passed directly over my position. I had to look straight up to see it). 11:50 PM a brief brilliant pass (a few seconds).

The message:

I discussed my plan to become the craziest prophet while at the same time screwing everyone up by making perfect common sense while I do so.

My  angel says that is a great idea and that I should use more twitter hashtags, and do the same as I did for the wing cloud.

We had newsgroup back in those days, and my strategy was to spam them and then hope that something might stick. A lot of it has gone obsolete and vanished when modern social media appeared.

There was also a cluster of events after Midnight. 

I was visited by an angel assigned to @junyabell (Kelvin Bell). 

Never before has that happened. Here is an angel asking for help. So we talked it over. Finally it all made sense to me.

Your banner: 'from darkness to light'. 

Darkness I equate with some past #trauma.

But your banner is at best, an aspiration, your dream goal. The cruel truth is that it hurts like hell to carry such a secret for twenty years. 

You banner should read 'from darkness to trauma'

I know who you are, but I don't think you remember, so hard have you been trying to live the dream of Jimmie the Walt Disney World Singing Cricket (when you wish upon a star, you're dreams come true!)

And then no they don't.

Your Guardian Angel told me to explain to you why it is that I have refused to become involved with you or give you council. You see, I was already struggling with my own complex PTSD, and trauma victims do not good therapists make. That is just simple common sense.

Once not to long ago you said to me, 'the best I can do is poor imitation of you.' I told you to be yourself, which was worthless advice, because you don't know who you are and you are bitterly disappointed that a singing cricket does not rule the world. Oh bitter reality.

Let me share with you the secret reason why an angel chose you. They were looking for a traumatized singing cricket, a sensitive empath, who would mirror the symptoms of someone struggling with PTSD through a type of sympathetic transfer of mental illness.

Your Angel told me to let you know just how shocked I was when I saw myself reflected in you. It was an experience that did me a world of good, and made me even more resolute to get to the bottom of finding out what was wrong with me.

You were not called to be an oracle, you were called to be a mirror. 

As you know, a couple of weeks back your angel provoked you enough times to make you understand that all your oracle tweets have been erased, because you don't understand anything, typical in trauma cases.

3 times in a row your #angel told me to tell you to consider your oracles deleted, and please, your angel begged, make him stop giving oracles.

At the same time they have been showing you double and triple displays of what are beyond dispute weird aerial phenomenon #uap.

They are provoking you and they are targeting directly the ashes and dust that are all that remain of your ruined faith, after your last hope of ever being a singing cricket again were ground under a jackboot for 20 years.

Neither untreated trauma victims, people who don't know who they are, or ruined stomped dead crickets, none of these are qualified oracles. 

If you can learn to just be yourself they are offering you a job, because you don't use someone and then just throw them away.