Ever since I first began walking with God, I was sure to assume nothing about God. I had long since stopped listening to people's talk about our Maker, as if they knew the difference between truth and belief - even though their aggressive stand is that they are one and the same. So in the beginning, I thought that it was our place to do good, change the world into a beautiful home for all generations, and then rest unconsciously with our ancestors forever. I had no thoughts whatsoever concerning an afterlife - it just didn't fit with life and all that God was showing me. Why all the due-diligence with good work in this world if there is some other eternal world that our ghosts are going to live in after we're dead - it just didn't fit, so I didn't even consider it. But then God corrected my error and said to me, "Even when you are struck down, and your life is taken from you, I will quickly give it back and raise you up, flesh and all, to life eternal." It was an "Ohhhhhh!!!" moment; it all made sense in an amazing and humbling way.
Perhaps you should consider your god. The fact that your god does nothing more, or anything different in life, than any other god should really tell you something. The fact that your god promises nothing in life should tell you a great deal about what it is you worship. The fact that you must construct your god in your mind from words of men and holy books, should be bothersome to you. If your hands do all the work that your god refuses to do, a light bulb should pop up in your head. If you have to strap a bomb to your chest because he won't lift a finger in your defense, perhaps you should reconsider. Your ancestors, who've worship any number gods throughout the generations, were left to suffer and rot in some God-forsaken grave forever - they and their children. Your worship of "the one and true god" has provided no different outcome than your ancestors who worshiped some other "one and true god". Not one of your songs, dances, chants, shouts, sacrifices, meditations, charities, sufferings, baptisms, nor explosions have moved your god a single bit - does this tell you anything?
Seek the Living God so that you may live. Shut up your songs, and let good flow from you like an ever-flowing stream. Be no man's doorstep, but be an overcomer. Do good so that you may live.
What has violence proven in our world other than that it produces more violence? It has been said that we should heap kindness on the heads of those that do us wrong, and I would partly agree. I fully agree that we should not return blow for blow, but that when we are struck, we should go our own way in peace. You will look on with your eyes, and you will watch the wicked perish. Their eyes will not see God's habitation. I walked with a low head out of the dungeon of our exile, being so long kept away from God's heart, and I walked into a place that is not easily described. I have seen things that no other men on this planet have seen; and I have experience pangs that no other women have experienced, as our world is crushed under a load of wealth and brutality. But our goal could be common, if you only put aside your bad behavior and the thought of bloodshed, and seek the face of the Living God so that you might become a faithful kid; a kid who will become unafraid of the arrows that fly by day, and of the pestilence that stalks by night.
God's habitation - the life and garden for lovers - the Garden of God Eternal. I am gay, I have enjoyed the male physique for as long as I can remember. To walk naked in God's Eternal Garden is my rest.
Friday, June 24, 2016
Friday, June 17, 2016
Horns and Drums
I was in a large building, standing quietly in my room. Some people came to me and told me that the building was on fire and that I needed to leave. I immediately left out of the room and left out of the building, but I did not see any fire, nor did I smell any smoke. However, I knew for certain that the building was on fire, but the flames had not yet risen. I got far away from that building.
The firefighters arrived; they came in 2 groups to fight the fire. The first group approached the burning building, and they sounded horns. Instead of using water to settle the fire, they sounded horns to play a soothing sound to put the fire out. The sound was like a thousand French horns, and very loud. Even though the sound was nice, it did not put out the fire, nor did I think it would - but those firefighters were convinced their horns would put the fire out. Seeing that the horns could not put out the fire, the second group of firefighters approached the fire. Instead of using water to settle the fire, they used drums to sound a rhythmic beat. The sound was that of a thousand drumsticks lightly but speedily tapping the heads of drums, and then picking up a beautiful rhythm. As I walked farther away from the building, I saw a friend of mine who I used to be very close with; she was among the drummers. I approached her, but she did not see me. So I stopped walking and gently touched her arm as she began to pass; she turned and looked at me with saddened eyes that appeared as if she did not really want to go to the burning building (which still hadn't yet been enveloped with flames), but still felt compelled to do so. We did not say anything to one other. She continued walking and was the last person in the line of drummers who approached the burning building.
I woke up from this dream very early in the morning, while it was still dark, and I still heard the drums playing. I had this dream on either March 25th or March 26th 2006, which was after I began seeking Yahweh, but before the messengers began flying in the skies above me.
With regards to those people playing the horns and drums, I did not see any horns or drums - the sounds just came from them in their attempt to put the fire out (which I also did not see - since I kept walking further and further away from the building).
The firefighters arrived; they came in 2 groups to fight the fire. The first group approached the burning building, and they sounded horns. Instead of using water to settle the fire, they sounded horns to play a soothing sound to put the fire out. The sound was like a thousand French horns, and very loud. Even though the sound was nice, it did not put out the fire, nor did I think it would - but those firefighters were convinced their horns would put the fire out. Seeing that the horns could not put out the fire, the second group of firefighters approached the fire. Instead of using water to settle the fire, they used drums to sound a rhythmic beat. The sound was that of a thousand drumsticks lightly but speedily tapping the heads of drums, and then picking up a beautiful rhythm. As I walked farther away from the building, I saw a friend of mine who I used to be very close with; she was among the drummers. I approached her, but she did not see me. So I stopped walking and gently touched her arm as she began to pass; she turned and looked at me with saddened eyes that appeared as if she did not really want to go to the burning building (which still hadn't yet been enveloped with flames), but still felt compelled to do so. We did not say anything to one other. She continued walking and was the last person in the line of drummers who approached the burning building.
I woke up from this dream very early in the morning, while it was still dark, and I still heard the drums playing. I had this dream on either March 25th or March 26th 2006, which was after I began seeking Yahweh, but before the messengers began flying in the skies above me.
With regards to those people playing the horns and drums, I did not see any horns or drums - the sounds just came from them in their attempt to put the fire out (which I also did not see - since I kept walking further and further away from the building).
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
An Introduction
I was raised Christian (Pentecostal). One Sunday, when I was about 15 years old (in the year 1994 or 1995), I was in church with my mother, my grandmother, and some of my grandmother's sisters, and a Christian prophet named Todd Hall came to our church to preach. If you were familiar with Christian prophets at that time, he gave out the normal holiness-church Christian mystical prophecies regarding financial blessings, gifts from heaven, spiritual warfare, etc. (Prophets at that time didn't have access to things like people's facebook and twitter feeds, so psychic-like cold-readings were kept to a minimum.) But Todd Hall then gave out a not-so-normal Christian prophecy that motivated me to hate myself and destroy my own love of human nature for almost a decade.
He gave a prophecy that went something like, "The Lord told me that in the year 2000, all of the homosexuals in the world are going to be burned alive in fire. God is going to burn them up." I remember the entire congregation cheered and celebrated.
In the midst of all their joy was this awfully FRIGHTENED 15 year-old, completely afraid. That man and that congregation had no idea how much he scared this gay teenager. I didn't want to be burned alive, and I didn't want "the Lord" to hate me. From that point forward in my life, I became your typical bible thumper and hated the fact that I had been attracted to men. I tried to like women, and I prayed almost every day to at least enjoy seeing a pair of tits. But I never could deny myself, sneaking into my uncle's bedroom when he wasn't home and looking at his porn stash, just to look at the naked men - I quickly flipped past any page that had some naked female model and feasted my eyes on the male form. And when my mother bought me a computer... and the internet...
As we all know, the year 2000 came and went, and no homosexual was burned alive (not by the Lord anyway). Nonetheless, Todd Hall (whom I have long-since forgiven) expected this from the god of his imagination - and so did the church, and so did I. As a result, I became this hypocritical, provocative, and arrogant "unfag" that became very religious and emotionally distraught.
A few years later in 1999, while still dealing with my self-hatred, I worked at Six Flags America in Largo, Maryland. While leaving the park one night, heading to the employee exit, I happened to gaze at the stars. Star gazing wasn’t something I normally did, but there was this odd-looking star in the sky that grabbed my attention. While walking and looking at this odd-looking star, the star shot off in a spiral and flew out into space at an incredible speed. I stopped walking and dropped my mouth in complete awe. I looked around to see if anyone else just saw what I had seen, but they were teenagers, running around and playing. I was dumbfounded and lonely. At that point in my life, I didn't want to see something like that; I was already fighting my attraction toward men, and now I'm seeing UFOs?! A friend of mine, who I'm still friends with, told me a few years ago that she remembers me asking her if she had seen the light in the sky that night (I probably sounded absolutely insane to her). Needless to say, this, along with my homosexual feelings, was something I didn’t feel comfortable talking about with anyone.
As the years went on, I read the bible, my faith tottered and I was no longer Christian. Then I stumbled across Brent's bible commentaries (http://www.awitness.org/bible_commentary/index.html) and tossed the book in the trash (it wasn't until later that I realized I tossed out a few pearls). I remember feeling like a great boulder had been lifted off me.
In the year 2005, I read in the Greek fragments of the Gospel of Thomas, the line where Yeshua said, "A person old in days will not hesitate to ask a child 7 days old about his place in life and he will live." I understood this with complete clarity, so I decided to 'try it out'. I went to God empty handed like a naked, pitiful, broken child, assuming nothing. Then YAHWEH, the God I did not know, answered me. I was first answered by large doses of compassion and mercy which have never ceased, then dream after dream explaining things, then those spacecrafts like the one I had seen all those years ago (who had later become messengers or ministering angels to me, and have never left). Brent, who is before me and has known God roughly 30 years longer than I, has been my help, speeding along my travels as he himself continues his journey.
Yahweh God said to me, "I am One. I am not part nor am I with anything; I became everything; I am everything, and I am more than everything. If you humbly seek my face, I will give you compassion. If you seek justice, I will be your defense. If you seek a faithful life, I will give it eternal. Your flesh will not undergo decay." This I received directly from the Living God.
Updated 3/23/2019
He gave a prophecy that went something like, "The Lord told me that in the year 2000, all of the homosexuals in the world are going to be burned alive in fire. God is going to burn them up." I remember the entire congregation cheered and celebrated.
In the midst of all their joy was this awfully FRIGHTENED 15 year-old, completely afraid. That man and that congregation had no idea how much he scared this gay teenager. I didn't want to be burned alive, and I didn't want "the Lord" to hate me. From that point forward in my life, I became your typical bible thumper and hated the fact that I had been attracted to men. I tried to like women, and I prayed almost every day to at least enjoy seeing a pair of tits. But I never could deny myself, sneaking into my uncle's bedroom when he wasn't home and looking at his porn stash, just to look at the naked men - I quickly flipped past any page that had some naked female model and feasted my eyes on the male form. And when my mother bought me a computer... and the internet...
As we all know, the year 2000 came and went, and no homosexual was burned alive (not by the Lord anyway). Nonetheless, Todd Hall (whom I have long-since forgiven) expected this from the god of his imagination - and so did the church, and so did I. As a result, I became this hypocritical, provocative, and arrogant "unfag" that became very religious and emotionally distraught.
A few years later in 1999, while still dealing with my self-hatred, I worked at Six Flags America in Largo, Maryland. While leaving the park one night, heading to the employee exit, I happened to gaze at the stars. Star gazing wasn’t something I normally did, but there was this odd-looking star in the sky that grabbed my attention. While walking and looking at this odd-looking star, the star shot off in a spiral and flew out into space at an incredible speed. I stopped walking and dropped my mouth in complete awe. I looked around to see if anyone else just saw what I had seen, but they were teenagers, running around and playing. I was dumbfounded and lonely. At that point in my life, I didn't want to see something like that; I was already fighting my attraction toward men, and now I'm seeing UFOs?! A friend of mine, who I'm still friends with, told me a few years ago that she remembers me asking her if she had seen the light in the sky that night (I probably sounded absolutely insane to her). Needless to say, this, along with my homosexual feelings, was something I didn’t feel comfortable talking about with anyone.
As the years went on, I read the bible, my faith tottered and I was no longer Christian. Then I stumbled across Brent's bible commentaries (http://www.awitness.org/bible_commentary/index.html) and tossed the book in the trash (it wasn't until later that I realized I tossed out a few pearls). I remember feeling like a great boulder had been lifted off me.
In the year 2005, I read in the Greek fragments of the Gospel of Thomas, the line where Yeshua said, "A person old in days will not hesitate to ask a child 7 days old about his place in life and he will live." I understood this with complete clarity, so I decided to 'try it out'. I went to God empty handed like a naked, pitiful, broken child, assuming nothing. Then YAHWEH, the God I did not know, answered me. I was first answered by large doses of compassion and mercy which have never ceased, then dream after dream explaining things, then those spacecrafts like the one I had seen all those years ago (who had later become messengers or ministering angels to me, and have never left). Brent, who is before me and has known God roughly 30 years longer than I, has been my help, speeding along my travels as he himself continues his journey.
Yahweh God said to me, "I am One. I am not part nor am I with anything; I became everything; I am everything, and I am more than everything. If you humbly seek my face, I will give you compassion. If you seek justice, I will be your defense. If you seek a faithful life, I will give it eternal. Your flesh will not undergo decay." This I received directly from the Living God.
Updated 3/23/2019
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