What better way to destroy someone's faith than to prove to them that they have answers for nothing. Religion is the answer giver, the giver of a bunch of profoundless answers to a thousand made-up problems. What better way to show you how much you don't know God than to throw you into total confusion. To show you that your problems and your answers are of your own imagination. To reveal to you the true problems and the true answers which exist. Since a trouble is not trouble unless it's your trouble. Since a problem is not a problem until it's your problem. It appears that this task is best reserved for God's hand.
In order for me to know God, my faith needed to be destroyed. Mighty powers were not involved in that destruction - just a lot of care and compassion from someone above (Christ) and someone below (Brent). But if mighty powers are required to destroy the faiths of the world, then that is what God will do. God is never out of options.
Monday, November 20, 2017
Sunday, November 12, 2017
Heart
A letter written to Brent on April 25, 2017:
Hi Brent.
I had always been a heavier child, teen, and adult. I experienced my first palpitations when I was in college in 1997 or 1998 - very scary for me in those days until I understood what they were. I had always enjoyed savory foods - and the fact that I was surrounded by people who were very good cooks did not make it easy. Plus there were emotional reasons, I'm sure (being gay in a macho-male authoritarian family, and the ridicules and insults that came from family and peers).
In 2008 I was informed from above that I needed to get my health together. I knew that I needed too because I could feel my blood pressure going up after heavy fatty meals - but I looked up toward the night sky and asked anyway, and received the response - but that was 9 years ago, and not today. All the partying and drinking and heavy late night eating caused me to gain a lot of weight - walking a short distance made my lower back feel like pure hell. The smoking didn't help either.
4 years later, in 2012, a red spacecraft flew over the trees and over my head while I was outside on my balcony and my heart fluttered at the same time - then multiple red-lit spacecrafts flew overhead. I knew what it meant, but didn't want to believe it. I told myself to "get it together before shit hits the fan" - and I did lose about 50 pounds and stopped smoking. But then I pretty much stopped dieting fulltime - and went on a more on again off again diet plan - at that point I was still over 300 pounds, and would go up and down in weight (while remaining above 300 pounds).
4 years later, in 2016, during the July 4th holiday weekend here in the US, I ate a large meal at a cookout (filled with burgers, hotdogs, salads, and seafood) - the day following, I endured very bad chest pains. it almost felt like something was leaking. My chest was very tight and heavy and I occasionally felt like I was going to pass out - so I kept walking around my apartment and kept walking around - I figured if I kept walking I wouldn't pass out - and I didn't. That was a bad day personally.
Over the next few days after the event, I limited my quantity of food greatly - removed much of the fat and meat, and the pain began to subside. One day, a few days later, I ate a handful or 2 of almonds and the pain came back. I tried to figure out why the pain came back after having been gone for so many days - so then I did a little googling. I read some research done by a physician Dr. Esselstyn and another physician (whose name I can't think of at the moment) [Dr. McDougall] and they're studies have shown that eating fat (regardless of source) causes the arteries to tighten. It's one of the reasons why some vegans and vegetarians have been found to have high cholesterol and heart disease (though at a much lower incidence than meat eaters). Nuts are high in fat - haven't eaten more than 3 or 4 nuts at a time since.
That was all 8 months ago. I watch my salt intake and keep my fat intake around 20 grams per day (sometimes less). I still eat meat, but much less than I used too - and make seitan, hummus, and black bean burgers on occasion. I no longer weight 300 anything - and the fact that I'm a decent cook really helps - I try to experiment with different foods sometimes. Eating so low in fat - your gallbladder must adjust to the change - and eating a high fat meal later on can cause havoc (I imagine).
You know, we can't eat as they eat and live as they do. They load salt, chemicals, and fat into everything they produce. They build only to later destroy. The only temple of God on this planet right now is your flesh and mine - we are its caretakers - and I'll certainly help you take care of your flesh in anyway you need me to. You are still here and so am I.
The heart/chest issues I had was the reason I wrote the following post:
http://www.sanctuaryforjustice.org/2017/03/to-my-lover.html
Hi Brent.
I had always been a heavier child, teen, and adult. I experienced my first palpitations when I was in college in 1997 or 1998 - very scary for me in those days until I understood what they were. I had always enjoyed savory foods - and the fact that I was surrounded by people who were very good cooks did not make it easy. Plus there were emotional reasons, I'm sure (being gay in a macho-male authoritarian family, and the ridicules and insults that came from family and peers).
In 2008 I was informed from above that I needed to get my health together. I knew that I needed too because I could feel my blood pressure going up after heavy fatty meals - but I looked up toward the night sky and asked anyway, and received the response - but that was 9 years ago, and not today. All the partying and drinking and heavy late night eating caused me to gain a lot of weight - walking a short distance made my lower back feel like pure hell. The smoking didn't help either.
4 years later, in 2012, a red spacecraft flew over the trees and over my head while I was outside on my balcony and my heart fluttered at the same time - then multiple red-lit spacecrafts flew overhead. I knew what it meant, but didn't want to believe it. I told myself to "get it together before shit hits the fan" - and I did lose about 50 pounds and stopped smoking. But then I pretty much stopped dieting fulltime - and went on a more on again off again diet plan - at that point I was still over 300 pounds, and would go up and down in weight (while remaining above 300 pounds).
4 years later, in 2016, during the July 4th holiday weekend here in the US, I ate a large meal at a cookout (filled with burgers, hotdogs, salads, and seafood) - the day following, I endured very bad chest pains. it almost felt like something was leaking. My chest was very tight and heavy and I occasionally felt like I was going to pass out - so I kept walking around my apartment and kept walking around - I figured if I kept walking I wouldn't pass out - and I didn't. That was a bad day personally.
Over the next few days after the event, I limited my quantity of food greatly - removed much of the fat and meat, and the pain began to subside. One day, a few days later, I ate a handful or 2 of almonds and the pain came back. I tried to figure out why the pain came back after having been gone for so many days - so then I did a little googling. I read some research done by a physician Dr. Esselstyn and another physician (whose name I can't think of at the moment) [Dr. McDougall] and they're studies have shown that eating fat (regardless of source) causes the arteries to tighten. It's one of the reasons why some vegans and vegetarians have been found to have high cholesterol and heart disease (though at a much lower incidence than meat eaters). Nuts are high in fat - haven't eaten more than 3 or 4 nuts at a time since.
That was all 8 months ago. I watch my salt intake and keep my fat intake around 20 grams per day (sometimes less). I still eat meat, but much less than I used too - and make seitan, hummus, and black bean burgers on occasion. I no longer weight 300 anything - and the fact that I'm a decent cook really helps - I try to experiment with different foods sometimes. Eating so low in fat - your gallbladder must adjust to the change - and eating a high fat meal later on can cause havoc (I imagine).
You know, we can't eat as they eat and live as they do. They load salt, chemicals, and fat into everything they produce. They build only to later destroy. The only temple of God on this planet right now is your flesh and mine - we are its caretakers - and I'll certainly help you take care of your flesh in anyway you need me to. You are still here and so am I.
The heart/chest issues I had was the reason I wrote the following post:
http://www.sanctuaryforjustice.org/2017/03/to-my-lover.html
Sunday, November 5, 2017
2 plus 2 is 4
It is easy for people to believe that God raised Christ from the dead thousands of years ago. But it has been difficult for them to understand that God can raise (anyone from) the dead tonight. Life belongs to God. God is everything, God became everything, and God becomes everything, except nothing at all.
Last night I had a heart to heart conversation with Christ, as if he were sitting right beside me. I needed to understand some things.
Humanity does not know God's compassion - not at all. You in no manner put your trust in God. You may say that you trust God, but, by your actions, you have more faith in weapons and in the strength of your own hands. It's like the husband who often beats the shit out of his wife. He just as often says to her, "I love you." You are like that husband, who feels like he loves his wife, but does not show her love. You know love by her works. You feel like you trust God, but your actions state otherwise; you should believe yourself, and realize what you are doing, and understand why you do the things you do. You know trust by his works.
In fairness, I cannot fault nor judge you for this, because trust (faith) belongs to God. It is only something that God can create. If you saw a man dead and laid in tomb, even attended his funeral with his wailing mother, then a few days later, saw that same man walking out of his tomb - the event would inscribe something in you - almost like a traumatic event. This is faith! It is created by God for whom God chooses. It surpasses the feeling and belief that the dead are raised, and enters the realm of knowledge - like 2 plus 2 is 4.
Faith is what God requires, along with her children mercy and compassion, in order to be granted access to God's eternal and physical garden. It is what God requires for you to be surrounded by all manner of mercy and compassion today - God only requires from you what God would give you.
Last night I had a heart to heart conversation with Christ, as if he were sitting right beside me. I needed to understand some things.
Humanity does not know God's compassion - not at all. You in no manner put your trust in God. You may say that you trust God, but, by your actions, you have more faith in weapons and in the strength of your own hands. It's like the husband who often beats the shit out of his wife. He just as often says to her, "I love you." You are like that husband, who feels like he loves his wife, but does not show her love. You know love by her works. You feel like you trust God, but your actions state otherwise; you should believe yourself, and realize what you are doing, and understand why you do the things you do. You know trust by his works.
In fairness, I cannot fault nor judge you for this, because trust (faith) belongs to God. It is only something that God can create. If you saw a man dead and laid in tomb, even attended his funeral with his wailing mother, then a few days later, saw that same man walking out of his tomb - the event would inscribe something in you - almost like a traumatic event. This is faith! It is created by God for whom God chooses. It surpasses the feeling and belief that the dead are raised, and enters the realm of knowledge - like 2 plus 2 is 4.
Faith is what God requires, along with her children mercy and compassion, in order to be granted access to God's eternal and physical garden. It is what God requires for you to be surrounded by all manner of mercy and compassion today - God only requires from you what God would give you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)