I found something that I wrote exactly 10 years ago. December 14, 2006.
A friend of mine asked me twice if I prayed, I was never really sure how to answer - but this is the type of thing I say to my God, especially at night:
Yahweh, my God, how should I speak? The oppressed will not be plundered forever, neither will the poor always curse their own life. You will never bless a man in war, neither will You ever tell a killer, "I will make you victorious." Yahweh, You will never share Your glory with an idol, neither will Your strong hand ever be called 'common'. Everyday, You look deep within the hearts of mankind and search to see if anyone seeks Your face; but everyday You sigh because the Earth has ignored You - and for thousands of years, the Earth has forgotten You.
At the age of 19, You slightly lifted the veil that covered my face, and I was completely astonished by what You revealed above me - but I would let nothing hinder my faith in my idol God. For my idol was the lord of my life, and it was in him that I put my trust - though he showed me nothing nearly as astonishing as You did. I felt 'his presence' everyday, and I praised my idol's name everywhere I went - I just knew that my idol had power and loved me. I knew that my idol had healing in his hands, and would bless me with many financial gifts according to his own riches and glory. But then you took the veil that separated me from You, Yahweh, and tied it around my head tightly, and You made a decree to the hosts of the heavens to show nothing more above me until I searched for You.
I spent a year after serving my idol as a quiet being - completely void of any knowledge and in total confusion, but I am now 27, and I am confused no more. The hosts have been told by You, Yahweh, 'Show him,' and the veil was quickly removed – and I am astonished everyday. To this day, I am my own work in progress because I have seen in You what I desire to see in myself. The psalmist said to You in his wisdom, "When You said, 'Seek My face,' my heart said to You,'Your face, O Yahweh, I shall seek.'" ~ Psalm 27:8
