Tweets - December 3rd - Wanting Patience

The second I woke up this morning I was in thoughts. I'm thinking that when God gives me the key and the authority to unlock, I'll go to black gay folk, back to where I began. I imagine it's where I'd be most comfortable.

I chuckled this morning thinking about the world being patient with God. It's hard to imagine. Waiting for God was not something I immediately overcame, but it is required. (I'm looking forward, and not downward to what has been standard of this world.)

I wrote the following poem in March 2006 because, it seems, I was hungry and I felt that God was feeding me teaspoons of food and taking too long to do everything (though I could perceive that God wanted patience).

I approached my Mother naked,
Shivering I cried to Her.
I shouted, “I am cold and the serpent is laughing at me”.
I then asked Her for clothing to keep me warm.
But the serpent threw garments of skin at me feet.

She approached me with a fierce eye,
She said to me, “In Me you were warm.”
“When I bore you, you were in complete comfort.”
“When you were with Me, you lacked nothing.”

I said to Her, “What does that matter now?”
“I ask you for things, and I don’t receive them.”
“I try to figure you out, but you won’t let me.”
“I desire understanding, but you demand patience.”
I said to Her, “I complain because I am naked.”

She said to me, “Who told you that you were naked?”
So I turned and stretched out my hand and pointed to the serpent,
The serpent that gave fruit that bore 6 billion people,
Fruit that bore 5,000 people,
And fruit that bore 10 people.

She said to me, “That fruit won’t satisfy your hunger.”
“That serpent is too dumb to determine the clothed from the naked.”
“Why ask me for things, I know what you want and need.”
“If you want to figure Me out, then answer this:
“Why would I give My child two toys that are the same?”
She said to me, “Understand that a patient person is ruled by no one.”

I said to Her, “Mother, I think I understand now.”
She said to Me, “Realize who you are and where you come from.”
Then I danced on the clothes the serpent threw at me.
I kicked dirt in his eye.
With final words, She spoke to me,
“When you fully realize that I made you as I want you, you will have your rest.”

In those days, writing like this was how I coped with all that was happening with me. I couldn't easily express those experiences to myself (and certainly not to others). I hadn't yet seen the messengers or knew of eternal life; I was being introduced to Life and the Living God.

The liberty and mercy that God gives me is the liberty and mercy that God requires from me. The patience that God has given me is the patience that God requires of me. Treating others in the ways I want others to treat me is a lesson learned by watching God interact with me.

I did not choose my life, it was chosen for me. Though I am at liberty, I can't help but walk after God. I would have it no other way. God is making me into a mirror, and God is my Light. I do not long for the goodness of God; this I have never had to wait for.